I hate to have another "whine about News Sentinel headlines" day so soon, but this item will be good for class discussion. Besides, it has already raised some hackles on a local blog, where KnoxViews writers see the story as a sign of political bias.

I don't write about politics; I just know a bad headline when I see one.

Here are the two headline "decks" and the first two sentences of the story:

First, I wonder how many bloggers realize that reporters don't write their own headlines -- the copy desk editors write them while fitting stories into the space on a page. I generally give late-night desk editors the benefit of the doubt; I've written some horrible headlines when half-asleep myself.

In this case, I don't think the story is skewed... but the headline has three strikes against it, regardless of politics:

1. I tell freshmen the passive voice ("...is criticized") is a cardinal sin, because it hides responsibility and is just plain vague. (If I'm aggressively against the passive voice, does that make me passive-aggressive?)
   
2. Ambiguity is bad, too. Is "criticized his appearance" talking about his tie, or the cut of his suits? (OK, I'm too sensitive; "...appearance at event" probably does parse as "attendance at event" to most readers.)
   
3. To get the story's main point, you need the second "deck" of the headline. The News Sentinel likes that style. I've written more than once about problems it causes on the KnoxNews.com home page, where the shorter first line often stands alone, enigmatically ("Parties Aplenty"; "Steps to Self-Esteem"), as the only information about a story.
   
4. I'm new in town and the name "Duncan" only brings to mind the old king in Macbeth and maybe my favorite old toy. OK, I'm really not that new in town. But some readers might be, and our textbook says to keep possibly unfamiliar names out of headlines. (OK, that's four strikes.)

Back to Davis and Ford: The way I read the story's compound first sentence (about 50 percent longer than our textbook recommends, by the way) its main point is that Chairman Davis didn't know Ford was welcome at the event, making Davis's criticism unfounded. I think that's what the rest of the story says, too, even if it has to draw attention to Davis's original comment to make the point. I wonder how many readers took it that way?

Here's my quick attempt at a better headline for the story, shooting for the same line-lengths as the original:


or maybe that second line is too negative, and this would be better:

I'll admit that putting the word "party" in the headline of a political story is ambiguous, too... but I still like it better than the original... and "barbeque crasher" just sounds wrong. Maybe we'll come up with more alternatives in class.

5:11:14 PM  #